Words…

Something is wrong when one is more used to (and better equipped to handle) hearing 

‘bitch’, ‘crazy bitch’, ‘cold bitch’ or some other variant

and the words

‘you’re beautiful’, ‘i think you’re special’, and ‘i’m lucky to have found you.’

are foreign to your ears

He’s being genuine, and his compliments unsettle me. Degrading statements shouldn’t be normalized or expected. By anyone. I’ve come to expect to be torn down, criticized, or what have you because it happens so often, and I’m realizing that I’ve internalized the negativity, hell, come to expect it. What I don’t expect to hear, or rather NEVER hear, are statements that would encourage a positive sense of self. Not that you’re sense of self should be outwardly generated…I mean you really have to love yourself in order for others to love you…but if enough people tell you you’re crazy enough times, you start to believe that there may be some veracity in it.

The point is, I’m floored. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do in this situation, or if I’m even supposed to say or do anything. I really have to clear all the negativity out, for real this time—truly let it go, stop letting it infiltrate my consciousness and control my interactions with people—and make room for a potentially really positive experience.