Letting Go of “I’ll Show You!”

Being an overachiever often means an inescapable feeling of inadequacy. Couple that with being a Black woman in the US, and you’ve got a recipe for pathologically setting unrealistically high expectations followed by harsh self-criticism when you inevitably don’t meet those expectations. As a kid, being an overachiever usually meant reaching a predetermined goal that…

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My Real 90 Day Fiancé (MR90DF): One Year

October 14, 2015 The best way I could write this was as a letter to my husband: Dear Efrem, One year. It’s been one long year, and yet it’s only been one year. One year since you stepped foot in the United States. One year since we got the privilege of beginning our lifelong journey together.…

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Day 197: Change of Address

April 28, 2015 All I can recommend is that you DO NOT move while you’re in the middle of this process. Just don’t do it. Because USCIS apparently can’t handle a simple change of address. They say the can, they even have this nice, tidy online form that you can fill in and submit without having to…

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Days 88, 95, 101: Getting a Driver’s License – 3 Strikes

January 9, 2015: Strike 1 It always feels like one step forward two steps back and a whole lot of anxiety. I feel like I should just always carry around copies of the stacks of documents proving that Efrem has the right to do things and be places. The general population is incredibly ignorant of what…

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Day 78 & 79: Homeownership

December 30, 2014:  Buying the House We spent Christmas in Destin. We knew we were supposed to close on the house before the new year, we just didn’t know quite when and what the entire process would look like. In retrospect, we really didn’t have a great realtor. The entire process was poorly coordinated and rushed, in…

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Day 63: Back to School

December 15, 2014 After much mulling over the situation of how we would get Efrem’s college transcripts verified by any of those companies requiring they be sent directly from the school (which was really the issue given how uncooperative the officials at the school in Joburg had been in the past to students that weren’t…

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Day 49: I Now Pronounce You…

December 1, 2014 For it being the day that we legally became married, it was pretty uneventful and rather underwhelming. Not that we wanted it to be a big deal, it’s just funny to think about what we did on the day we got married. Everyone took their time getting up in the morning since…

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Days 42 – 48: First Thanksgiving/Meet the Family Pt. 2

November 24 – 30, 2014:  The drive to Virginia Beach was excruciatingly long. Fifteen hours in a full car where my dad essentially insisted on driving the entire time. I like car trips, but this one wasn’t all that interesting visually. On top of it, Efrem and I were trying to fill out paperwork needed for…

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