I have been on a journey for a better part of a decade, one that I can only describe as the search for home. Home in a place, but more importantly home in my body, mind, and spirit. Like a butterfly, our lives move through stages–slow moving metamorphosis.
My 20s were like the caterpillar stage: the caterpillar’s purpose is to feed, to consume everything in sight, to grow and store until it outgrows one skin and develops into a larger one, repeating this process 4 to 5 times, expanding to nearly 100 times its size. But a caterpillar can’t travel very far, only able to consume the leaf it was birthed on, and like that caterpillar I consumed only that which was within my immediate grasp, unable or unwilling to stray and be open to new ideas, paths, possibilities.
The setting of my 20s and rise of my 30s has been like the pupal stage, the caterpillar enveloping inside a chrysalis to undergo radical transition: breaking apart, digesting itself slowly until it disintegrates into a gruesome puddle, reassembling into an unrecognizable new form. In secret. I’ve been withdrawn the past year or so, allowing myself to break open and fall apart, reorganizing the pieces into something else.
I’m unsure what the final form will look like, but with the start of this new decade brings hope that this will be my time to emerge like an elegant butterfly, to leave the comfort of my leaf and take flight.
This space is a practice in evolution: as I’ve changed and grown so have the topics and style. What began as the random musings of an unfocused twenty-something is now the deliberate design of a thirty-something reclaiming her time and energy.
Join me in this journey to laugh, love, learn, lose, and liberate myself.