dear lord, baby jesus, nossa senhora, yemanja, shango, WHOMEVER! please keep me from stalking out of my room and causing a scene with my roommate for his continual, insensitive, i-own-this-apartment and i’m-a-white-over-privileged-gluten-free-clueless-motherfucker attitude.

I would love to cuss him the hell out in front of his guests, but then I’M gonna be the angry black female roommate.

You want to have people over for dinner, fine! But fucking let me know before I come home to a bunch of yuppie, always-happy-cuz-mom-and-dad-pay-the-bills motherfuckers drinking wine in the apartment such that I can’t leave my room without having to make a bunch of insignificant irrelevant small talk with people I don’t give a shit about. I just need some mental preparation.