Things Ive Stumbled Upon: 30 Truths for Mature Humans

HILARIOUS! It’s like this person heard the random ass thoughts in my head:


  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
  7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  10. Bad decisions make good stories.
  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  12. Can we all just ignore what comes after Blu-ray? I don’t have time restart my collection all over again.
  13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  14. “Do not machine-wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
  15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.  What did you do after I didn’t answer – drop the phone and run away?
  16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone else of any importance the entire day.  What a waste.
  17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer if they call.
  18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  19. Every now and then, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize that I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
  20. I would rather try to carry 10 overloaded plastic bags of groceries in each hand rather than make more than one trip to and from my car.
  21. How many times is it appropriate to say “what?” before you just nod your head and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
  22. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in the front.
  23. Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty.  Socks get dirty.  Pants?  Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.
  24. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?
  25. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you’re going to die after leaning too far back in your chair.
  26. As a driver, I hate pedestrians.  As a pedestrian, I hate drivers.  But no matter the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
  27. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  28. Why is it that no one is able to use the proper form of the homonym “their,” “they’re” and “there??”
  29. “’Nother” has never, and will never, be a word.
  30. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating car keys, finding their cell phone, remembering to zip up but I’d bet my life savings that anyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, barely cohesive – first time, every time.


Things Ive Stumbled Upon: 30 Truths for Mature Humans